He kept seeing Nina’s face in front of him, or hearing her voice in his head. When she had associated their encounter with BDSM he had been overcome with emotion, shame and anger that she would associate him with something so brutal, as well as fear that she was right. All he knew about BDSM was that B stood for Bondage and S stood for Sadism, someone who enjoyed causing pain. He didn’t want to accept the idea that even a small part of him might have a sadistic streak. As Alex looked back at the screen in front of him he realized that almost by accident, he had typed BDSM into the search bar at the top right of his screen. He stared at the letters for a second before pressing Search. He wanted to know more about the feelings that had overcome him that afternoon. He wanted to understand the force that had come from so deep within him, driving him to action. As the search results arrived he chose the first one, which opened a page full of images. He saw women bound to tables, hanging. All set for the off, but perhaps just one miniature bottle of brandy then, for Dutch courage. I downed the bottle in one go, picked up the clutch bag and the key card to the room and closed the door behind me before I could run back in.How did I feel going down all those stairs, that's right, the stairs, when you're back in heels after any length of time going up or down stairs is the quickest and easiest way to get used to them again. By the time you get to the bottom or the top you're moving easily and a lot more nicely. As to my feelings? Well the ones I didn't like were worrying about how Cally would react to seeing me in the flesh. Frightened of her making a huge scene about it. Fear that I'd trip up half way across to the bar or give myself away with some stupid action or other.As for any others? Those that I welcomed and enjoyed all over again, that sense of vulnerability, the feeling of the clothes upon me, of being who I appeared to be. Nervous anticipation, of being free.
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